Crying child, tired parents… When and how should we start separating our child’s sleep?
Does putting your child to sleep every night feel like an endless task? As thoughts of “I should start putting them to sleep on their own” and feelings of “I still need to hold them close” cross your mind, the night goes on. Separating sleep is an important process for fostering a child’s independence, but it also brings a mix of guilt and anxiety for many parents.
But don’t worry too much. Separating sleep isn’t about ‘success’ or ‘failure’. It’s merely a ‘process’ where the child and parents adapt to a new sleep environment together. By aligning with the child’s disposition and developmental pace and providing warm support and consistent effort from parents, it can begin smoothly. To help both children and parents enjoy restful nights, let’s gradually explore everything about sleep separation.
More important than ‘When’ is the ‘Preparation’ signal for separating sleep
Many parents ask, “When should we start separating sleep?” There’s no set answer. While some say 6 months is the right time, others believe it’s more stable after one year. What truly matters is recognizing the ‘preparation signal’ your child sends.
Just as each child grows at a different pace, readiness for an independent sleep space varies individually. Take a look at the signals below to gain insight into your child’s mind.
Strategies for Successfully Opening Your Child’s Heart to Separation Sleep
Instill a positive recognition of ‘Our Room’
If you’ve decided to start separating sleep, the first step is to transform your child’s room from a ‘lonely space for sleep’ to a ‘joyful and cozy personal space’. Spend plenty of time reading books or playing with toys in the room during the day. It’s important that your child feels attached to their space and holds positive emotions toward it. Compliments and encouragements like “This is your great room!” help children adapt faster to their space.
Create a Predictable ‘Sleep Ritual’
Children feel secure in predictable routines. Establish a consistent sequence of ‘sleep rituals’ every night before bed. This signals to the child that ‘it’s now sleep time’ and psychologically prepares them for sleep.
Gradually Distancing: Using ‘Camp Out’
Suddenly making a child sleep alone in another room overnight can be overwhelming for both the child and parents. Start by using the ‘Camp-out’ method, where parents sleep on a mat on the child’s room floor initially. This helps the child feel reassured that they’re not alone and become accustomed to the new sleeping space.
Once the child is used to sleeping in their room, gradually practice distancing. Initially, sit right next to the child’s bed until they fall asleep, then move the chair gradually towards the door in the following days. Ultimately, aim to place the child down, say goodbye, and leave the room. This process may take several weeks. It’s crucial to proceed at the child’s pace without rushing.
Creating an Environment for Successful Separation Sleep
Wisely Control Light and Noise
Setting up a conducive sleep environment is essential for your child’s sound sleep. Use blackout curtains to completely block out external light and aid the secretion of the sleep hormone melatonin. A very dim nightlight is preferred. Additionally, using a white noise machine to drown out household noises or sudden sounds can be beneficial. Gentle sounds like ocean waves or rain help children feel the comfort of being in the womb and aid in stable sleep.
Use Comfort Toys that Give a Sense of Security
For a child sleeping separately from their parents, a ‘comfort toy’ or ‘comfort blanket’ can be a wonderful friend. Toys or blankets with a parent’s scent provide psychological security to the child, helping to alleviate anxiety. Introduce a favorite toy as a bedtime buddy and say “It’s time to sleep with OOO (toy’s name). Let’s meet in the morning”. However, remember the safety rule of not placing any soft items in the crib for infants due to the risk of suffocation. Ensuring a safe sleeping environment suitable for the child’s age and development is paramount.
Even if the preparation for separation sleep feels a little slow, it’s okay. Understanding your child’s heart is the most important start. If you need help for more comfortable and warm separation sleep, inquire with MOM-i.
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