Tears Every Night: A Sleep Training Guide for Children with Severe Bedtime Tantrums
When the sun sets and darkness falls, a small shadow of worry can also fall over a parent’s heart. Will our child be able to sleep comfortably tonight? After a long day, parents want to lie down and rest their tired bodies, but the bedtime battle that begins with a child’s crying and resistance can further drain their heart and body. A child’s bedtime tantrums may not simply be ‘acting out’ but a signal that they find it difficult to fall asleep.
What is needed here is sleep training. However, sleep training does not mean strictly disciplining a child. It is a loving process to help the child perceive sleep as a comfortable and stable experience and to develop healthy habits of falling asleep on their own. Today, let’s learn about warm sleep training methods for children struggling with bedtime tantrums and their parents.
Why Does Our Child Find It Hard to Fall Asleep?
Each child’s bedtime tantrum has its own reasons. Recognizing this is the first step to successful sleep training. Rather than trying to force sleep, effort is needed to understand why the child is finding it hard to fall asleep.
Anxiety and Separation Anxiety
Separation anxiety is a natural part of a child’s developmental process. To a child, sleep can feel like being away from their beloved parents for a long time. They might refuse to sleep due to the anxiety that their parents may disappear when they close their eyes. This is also proof of a healthy attachment to their parents.
Excessive Stimulation and Fatigue
It is easy to think, “They’ll sleep better when tired,” but the opposite can be true. Excessive physical activity during the day or watching a smartphone before sleep can keep a child’s brain alert. Although the body is tired, the mind remains awake, making it hard to fall asleep and can lead to even more severe bedtime tantrums. As a child has a limited ability to regulate their fatigue, careful observation by parents is important.
Inconsistent Sleep Environment
If the time and place of sleeping and pre-sleep activities differ each day, a child can feel confused. Without being able to predict when, where, and how to fall asleep, it becomes difficult for them to feel secure. The absence of a consistent sleep routine can be a main reason preventing a child from accepting sleep as a natural part of their daily life.
Create a Steady Sleep Habit This Way
Once you understand your child’s mind, it’s time to help them develop stable sleep habits. The key is to let your child know that sleeping time is not scary or anxious, but a cozy and happy time. Approach it step by step, without rushing, in a friendly manner.
Gift of Stability with ‘Bedtime Rituals’
Consistent ‘bedtime rituals’, or a sleep routine, signal to your child that “It’s time to sleep soon.” Predictable activities greatly reduce a child’s anxiety. It doesn’t have to be grand. Doing it in the same order every night is enough. For example, ‘Warm bath → Change into pajamas → Listen to quiet music → Read one or two picture books → Turn off lights and sing a lullaby’. This process gifts stability to the child and lays the foundation for successful sleep training.
Create a Positive Sleeping Environment
Make the space where your child sleeps as comfortable and snug as possible. From an hour before sleep, dim the house lights and keep electronics like TVs or smartphones away. Keep the bedroom at a slightly cool 20-22°C, and control light and noise to create an environment conducive to sleep. Helping your child feel that their bedroom is a comfortable and positive space is crucial.
Common Mistakes Parents Make and How to Avoid Them
Sometimes well-meaning actions can hinder a child’s sleep training. Check if you’re making these mistakes and guide your child in a better way. It’s okay. You can start changing things gradually from now on.
“When my child cries so bitterly, I can’t ignore it. Holding them right away reassures me.”
Of course, comforting a child when they cry is a parent’s natural role. However, in the case of bedtime tantrums, if you repeatedly pick up and soothe your child or give them a bottle every time they cry, they may learn that “crying gets me picked up.” This can interfere with their ability to learn to fall asleep on their own. Initially, instead of rushing to pick them up when they cry, try waiting a moment and reassuring them with your voice. Calmly say, “Mommy and Daddy are here, let’s sleep,” and gradually adjust the approach by gently patting their chest.
Another common mistake is showing videos on smartphones to make the child sleep. While it may draw the child’s attention and quiet them temporarily, the blue light from the screen inhibits the secretion of the sleep hormone melatonin and can disturb sleep. Instead, reading a book in a calm voice or singing a soft lullaby is more beneficial for the child’s emotional stability and establishing healthy sleep habits.
Trust in Your Child’s Growth and Reassure Your Heart
Sleep training is for the child’s benefit, but it is the parents who invest the most patience and effort in the process. There will be days when things don’t go as planned, and moments when you feel softened by your child’s tears. At those times, instead of blaming yourself, think of it as growing together at your child’s pace.
“Isn’t it too harsh on the child when they’re struggling?”
It’s natural to feel this way. But remember, teaching them to fall asleep independently is bestowing a lifetime healthy habit upon your child. With parental warm support and consistent effort, the child will gradually develop a positive perception of sleep and learn the joy of sleeping comfortably through the night. Until the day bedtime tantrums decrease and the whole family enjoys peaceful nights, we cheer you on. May tonight be a little more peaceful than yesterday, trusting in your child and reassuring yourself.
A child’s bedtime tantrums are an essential part of their developmental journey not to be easily overlooked. Sleep training is an ongoing process of understanding and lovingly responding to the child’s signals. MOM-i is always here to share parenting tips that support both parents and children alike. If you need deeper planning for your child’s sleep routine, please apply for counseling.
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