When and How Should You Start Separate Sleeping? A Guide to Successful Bedtime Independence for Children

“Until when should we sleep together?” If you’re a parent, you’ve likely pondered this deeply at least once. The cozy feeling of falling asleep hearing your child’s breathing quickly turns into sleepless nights interrupted by tossing and turning, accumulating fatigue. You’re caught between the thought of encouraging independence and the worry of whether your child might feel anxious.

Separate sleeping is not just about training your child to be apart from you. It’s an important process for developing healthy sleep habits and growing into an independent individual. Parents also get a chance to recharge through comfortable sleep, which allows them to provide more positive energy to their child during the day. There’s no need to rush. Take one step at a time at your child’s pace.

Why is Bedtime Independence Necessary?

It’s to improve the ‘quality of sleep’ for both the child and the parents. Sharing a small space with multiple people makes it difficult to get a good night’s sleep due to tossing and turning, talking in sleep, and pulling blankets. Children, in particular, go through cycles of light and deep sleep and can easily wake up to a parent’s minor movements. Experiencing uninterrupted deep sleep in a separate space is crucial for a child’s brain development and growth.

Moreover, learning to fall asleep on one’s own is the first step in fostering autonomy and confidence. It can instill a positive self-awareness of “I can do it on my own!” For parents, it provides an opportunity to reclaim couple time and space, relieve parenting stress, and strengthen their relationship. Ultimately, separate sleeping can be seen as a positive change for the family’s happiness. It’s not about pushing the child away but about learning to love each other more by enjoying comfortable nights from each of their spaces.

When is a Good Time to Start?

Many experts recommend after six months of age, but there’s no fixed answer. It is far more important to keenly observe the signals your child sends than to focus on age. If you notice the following signs, it might be a careful time to consider bedtime independence.

• Waking up less frequently at night and starting to sleep continuously for 5-6 hours or more.

• Gradually developing the ability to fall asleep independently. (For example, sleeping with a pacifier or while tossing and turning)

• The parents’ bed is becoming cramped, frequently disrupting everyone’s sleep.

• Not feeling anxious and playing well during the day even when apart from mom.

Of course, if your child is ill, you’ve moved, or if they’re experiencing major environmental changes like starting daycare, it’s best to delay a bit. Attempting when your child’s emotions are stable increases the chances of success and reduces their stress. Parental preparedness is also crucial. Impatience or anxiety is readily felt by the child. Starting with the belief that “Our child will manage it just fine” is best.

3-Step Method for Successful Bedtime Independence

Forcing a child to sleep in a different room is a recipe for failure. The key is gradually making the new sleeping space feel safe and comfortable.

Step 1: Getting Acquainted with the New Space

Make the sleeping space more than just a “strange room for sleeping,” but instead a “fun and cozy personal space.” Spend plenty of time reading books or playing with toys together in the child’s room during the day. Decorating the bed with their favorite toys or blankets is a good idea. By creating positive memories with the space, the fear of being left alone at night is significantly reduced.

Separate sleeping is one of the essential parenting tips that nurture a child’s autonomy and emotional stability. With a parent’s warm support and consistent attitude, a child can finally welcome their own night comfortably. For those who need guidance on the journey of helping their child “sleep well,” please apply for consultation through MOM-i.

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