Why Is My Child Behaving Like This? Understanding Temperaments Makes Parenting Easier
Your child might be particularly sensitive and fussy, or they might fear new environments and take time to open up. Sometimes, while their daily demeanor is adorable, you may wonder, “Why is my child like this?” despite seeking solutions from parenting books and experts. It’s exhausting when you don’t see improvements.
Have you ever focused on your child’s ‘temperament’ rather than their ‘behavior’? Many parents aim to correct specific behaviors without realizing these behaviors often stem from the child’s inherent ‘temperament.’ Understanding your child’s temperament helps you accept them as they are and begins a journey of deeper love. Today, let’s explore temperament-based parenting with MOM-i, getting closer to our child’s heart.
Temperament: The First Step to Understanding Your Child
Parents often share these concerns.
“My firstborn was so easy-going, raising them was a breeze, but my second child swings between heaven and hell multiple times a day. Why are they so different despite raising them the same way?”
The answer lies in ‘temperament.’ Unlike personality formed by environment and upbringing, temperament is genetic and present from birth, similar to the seeds of personality. Unique combinations of activity level, regularity, adaptability, and intensity contribute to each child’s temperament. There’s no good or bad temperaments, but understanding the ‘seeds’ your child was born with and nurturing them is crucial.
Does Your Child Fit One of These Typical Temperament Types?
Researchers usually categorize children’s temperaments into three types. Although not all children fit perfectly into these categories, they help identify your child’s tendencies.
- Easy Temperament: Comprising approximately 40% of children, these children have regular eating and sleeping patterns and adapt well to new environments and people. Generally displaying positive emotions, they still require careful observation due to potential dissatisfaction or difficulties.
- Difficult Temperament (Sensitive Temperament): About 10% of children belong here, exhibiting irregular biological rhythms and heightened sensitivity to stimuli. They react intensely, making it hard for them to settle down once upset and resist change. However, they are perceptive and assertive.
- Slow Temperament (Cautious Temperament): Around 15% fit this category. While initially hesitant and passive in new situations, they gradually adapt with sufficient time to observe and explore. They appear very shy but possess a cautious and calm disposition.
Temperament-Based Parenting: Adjusting to Your Child’s Heart
If you have an inkling of your child’s temperament type, it’s time to tune into their heart. The essence of temperament-based parenting lies not in altering your child’s temperament but in ‘adjusting’ to suit it by providing nurturing environments and interaction methods. Tailored parenting enhances strengths while addressing weaknesses.
For a Difficult Child: ‘Respect and Consistency’
Instead of scolding an energetic, intense child by saying “Why are you making such a fuss?”, offer them positive outlets for their strong energy. Acknowledge their intense feelings by saying, “You were really upset, weren’t you?” When validated, children gain self-regulation abilities. Providing a predictable schedule is vital to reducing anxiety, and consistent rules and love provide stability.
For a Slow-to-Warm Child: ‘Patience and Encouragement’
Encouraging them too eagerly when they hide behind you in new places makes them even more anxious. Quietly wait until they’re ready to explore and open up. As a secure ‘safe base,’ parents enable children to step out into the world boldly. Reassuring words like “Take your time, it’s okay” and specific praise for small achievements provide significant encouragement. If they tentatively greet a friend with a shy “Hi?”, praise them immediately with “That was courageous!”
Don’t Overlook the Mind of an Easy Child
Easy children may demand less and be compliant, potentially leading parents to overlook their needs. The absence of expression doesn’t mean absence of dissatisfaction or difficulties. They might be poor at expressing their emotions. Ask questions like, “What was the most fun part at daycare today?” or “Anything troubling happened?” to prompt them while paying attention to their subtle emotional cues.
Parents and Children, Growing Together Through Temperament-Based Parenting
Temperament-based parenting is not merely a technique for successful upbringing. It’s about acknowledging your child as a unique being and striving to see the world from their perspective with warmth. Differences between your and your child’s temperaments can be challenging. It’s okay. The focus is on understanding these differences and adjusting to them, rather than achieving perfect harmony.
Through the lens of temperament, what once seemed like problem behaviors in your child will transform into unique traits. This understanding marks the beginning of happy temperament-based parenting. MOM-i supports all parents and children as they grow together, striving for deeper understanding and love.
Understanding your child’s temperament can greatly enhance the warmth of parenting. If you want to get closer to your child’s heart, share more insights by emailing MOM-i.
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