Warm Way to Start Sleep Independence
Putting a child to bed each night can sometimes feel like a major task for parents. We wish for our children to sleep deeply and comfortably without restlessness, but reality often proves challenging. Especially from the moment you decide on sleep independence, ensuring your child sleeps in their own space, parents may feel a mix of anticipation and worry.
Sleep independence is not merely a practice of letting your child sleep in another room. It’s a crucial process where the child builds trust in the world based on stable attachment with the parents and learns independence through self-soothing. This journey can be a precious time of mutual trust and support for both parent and child.
Why Should Sleep Independence Not Be Rushed?
Changing a child’s sleeping environment is a massive transition. Just the fact that the ever-present parents are out of sight can cause significant anxiety for a child, known as ‘separation anxiety’, a natural part of their developmental process. Rushing into sleep independence during this phase can make the child perceive bedtime as a fearful and anxious experience.
This could lead to increased bedtime fussiness or negative feelings about sleep. The first step in proper sleep training is ‘patience’ and ‘respect’. Giving your child ample time to adjust to the new environment and feel comfortable alone is crucial. Parents must remember that any impatience may unavoidably be sensed by the child, and therefore proceed at the child’s pace for successful transformation.
Customized Approach for Our Child
Just as every child has a different temperament and disposition, their adaptation speed to sleep independence varies. Finding the right method and approaching it step-by-step is important for your child.
Step 1: Familiarizing with the Space
The first task is ensuring your child perceives their room not as a ‘strange place only for sleeping’ but as a ‘safe and enjoyable personal space’. During the daytime, spend time in the child’s room reading books or playing with toys. Decorating with plush dolls or favorite blankets can also help. The more positive experiences a child accumulates in their room, the more attached and secure they’ll feel about the space.
Step 2: Establishing a Sleep Ritual
A consistent sleep ritual signals to a child that ‘it’s almost sleep time’. It psychologically reassures and helps them drift off comfortably. For instance, creating a routine like Bath → Changing into Pajamas → Reading One Storybook → Dimming the Light → Singing a Lullaby → Saying Goodnight in the same order each night gives the child predictable stability, reducing anxiety about sleeping separately from parents.
Step 3: Gradually Distancing
Once the child is accustomed to their room and sleep rituals, it’s time for parents to start stepping back. Initially, sit by the child’s bed until they fall asleep. After a few days, gradually move the chair closer to the door. The ultimate goal is to lay your child down, say, “I love you, goodnight,” and leave the room. This process may take days or weeks. The key is proceeding very slowly without causing the child any anxiety.
Parent’s Role When the Child Feels Anxious
Even with a step-by-step approach, a child waking up at night crying for their parents can frequently happen. Many parents feel most perplexed about how to handle these moments.
“My child cries for me all night; should I pretend not to hear? It breaks my heart.”
Ignoring the child is never an option. It’s only natural for them to seek their parents, and during such times, parents should comfort and reassure. Go to the child’s room, gently say, “Mommy (Daddy) is here. It’s okay,” and softly pat their back. Rather than bringing them back to your bed, encourage them to fall asleep again in their own bed. Throughout this process, maintain a calm yet firm tone, conveying consistent messages such as, It’s time to sleep. Let’s play again in the morning. Trust your child to learn to fall back asleep independently, rooted in the consistent confidence that the parent provides.
Frequently Asked Questions
There are several common queries that arise during attempts to establish sleep independence. Here, we address two major questions.
When Is the Best Time to Start?
There is no set ‘perfect time’ to begin sleep independence. It is more pertinent to consider the child’s developmental state and circumstances than their age. Generally, it’s seen as suitable when sleep patterns stabilize and they start sleeping through the night without feeding. Also, avoid times of significant environmental change, like moving, sibling birth, or starting daycare. Commencing when both the child and parents are emotionally stable and prepared heightens the chances of success.
Can We Try Again after Failing to Establish Sleep Independence?
Absolutely. In the sleep training process, it’s common for parents to pause due to a child’s intense resistance or parental exhaustion. There’s no need to blame yourself for a ‘failure’. Consider it a brief break. After a rest period of a few days or weeks, reflect on the challenges faced, adjust the approach, and try again. For instance, if the child feared the space, extend the time spent getting acquainted with the room; if they were anxious about separation, drastically slow down the distancing phase. The key is to persist and adapt at a pace that suits your family.
A child’s independent sleep is nurtured within the parent’s warm confidence and consistent love. The journey will be a cherished growing experience with your child.
Sleep independence begins their practice of trusting the world and themselves. With a gradual, warm approach, this journey can be meaningful for both parent and child. If you need parenting tips tailored for your family, connect with MOM-i’s expert content planning by applying for a consultation.