The True Power of Praise to Boost Your Child’s Self-Esteem: Focus on the Process Over the Results
“Wow, our daughter is really smart!”, “How can you do so well?” When a child achieves something, parents offer their utmost praise with joy. These words come from a warm heart wanting to make the child’s shoulders proud and boost their confidence. But have you ever experienced this? Where a child who received praise tends to avoid more challenging tasks next time or shows extreme fear of failure.
“Why does my child tend to avoid harder challenges, even when they’ve been praised?”
Many parents face this dilemma. The praise, though well-intentioned, seems to backfire, causing anxiety. The issue might lie in the ‘direction’ of the praise. Compliments focused solely on a child’s innate talents or achievements might lead them to believe their abilities are fixed. Today, we delve into the method of delivering proper praise that awakens a child’s potential and builds solid self-esteem.
Unexpected Side Effects of Praising ‘Results’
Casual praises like “you’re smart” or “you’re the best” can burden a child with the belief that they must always perform well because they are smart. This plants a seed for a ‘Fixed Mindset,’ where the child believes their intelligence or talents are unchangeable.
Such children tend to avoid challenges to maintain their ‘competent image.’ They fear that failure might reveal their lack of ability. Consequently, they prefer to stay within safe zones where they excel and are likely to give up on tasks that pose difficulty. Rather than being a motivator, praise can become a shackle that heightens fear of failure, ultimately limiting the child’s growth potential.
The Amazing Changes When Praising ‘Process’
So, what kind of praise benefits a child? It’s the kind that specifically acknowledges the child’s efforts, attempts, and perseverance — the ‘process.’ Praises like “You concentrated for a long time to solve this difficult puzzle,” or “Your attempt to try a new method was impressive” convey important messages to the child.
The message is that ‘my abilities can grow with effort,’ namely, a “Growth Mindset.” Children raised with such proper praise are not afraid of results. They view failure as just one of the steps toward success and believe they can overcome it through more effort or by trying different methods. Naturally, they grow into resilient children who enjoy challenges and do not easily despair when faced with difficulties. Praise focused on the process gifts children not only the joy of success but also the courage to rise from failure.
Specifically and with Sincerity: Techniques for Proper Praise
How can you practice process-based praise in daily life? Remembering a few specific ways can help. The key is to express it sincerely and not to miss even the smallest changes in your child.
When Completing a Drawing
Rather than simply saying, “You drew that so well,” highlight the parts where the child’s efforts are evident. “The way you used many colors for this vibrant picture makes it come alive. You must have thought a lot while painting this part.” Such detailed compliments make the child feel their effort is being recognized.
When Failing to Stack Blocks
Even if the result isn’t good, it’s okay. What’s important is encouraging the child’s attempt and perseverance. “You tried to stack them so high. It’s a shame it fell, but I loved how you didn’t give up and tried again.” A warm word of encouragement during a moment of failure becomes the courage for the child to take on larger challenges.
When Completing a Difficult Homework
“It was a tough problem, but you solved it without giving up. I’m really proud.” Empathizing with the difficulty the child experienced and praising their perseverance provides much stronger motivation than praising the outcome alone.
Praise is the most powerful tool to make a child dance, but its power is harnessed differently depending on how it is used. Proper praise is not just a technique to reinforce a child’s behavior. It’s warm communication that shows how much a parent values the child’s efforts as they are, and it’s a process of building deep trust.
Rather than just admiring your child’s brilliant achievements, discover and encourage all the moments and efforts that led to those results. In the warmth of a parent’s gaze and sincere praise, a child will foster the strength in their heart to overcome any challenge, developing a Growth Mindset. A parent’s words can be the most precious key to unlocking a child’s potential.
Warm praise that focuses on the process rather than the result has the power to boost a child’s self-esteem and resilience. Remember that the mindset that helps a child not fear failure but to try again starts with the parent’s words. If you’re curious about more parenting tips to support your child’s growth, please apply for a consultation with MOM-i.
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