A Tantrum-Prone Child: The Beginning of Discipline through Understanding
In front of the supermarket checkout, a child lying on the floor crying for a toy. The looks from others sting, and the parent’s heart is burning with worry. You’ve tried to comfort them, you’ve tried getting angry, yet the crying goes on. If you’ve ever raised a child, you’ve likely faced this tantrum moment. However, a child’s tantrum isn’t an intentional act to trouble parents. Rather, it’s more like a clumsy signal to express their feelings. Today, with MOM-i, let’s take the first step in effective discipline by understanding a child’s mind without hurting them.
Why Does a Child Throw a Tantrum?
Finding the right solution starts with understanding your child’s behavior. There are natural developmental reasons why children can be stubborn and throw tantrums.
1. Because They Struggle to Express Emotions
A child’s brain is still developing. Especially the frontal lobe, which controls emotions and impulses, develops the slowest. Hence, children can’t logically explain when they are angry, upset, or frustrated, like adults can. Instead of verbal expression, they show discomfort through crying, shouting, or throwing things. A tantrum-prone child’s behavior is akin to shouting, ‘I’m having a hard time!’ with all their might.
2. They Are Testing Their Will
Around the age of two, children develop a sense of self and begin to foster independence. They proclaim, “I’ll do it!” eager to assert their will. This is part of learning about the world, achieving things independently from parental control, and getting what they want. During this period, they also explore the boundaries of permitted behavior by observing parental reactions.
3 Wise Steps to Handle a Tantrum-Prone Child
Once you understand your child’s mind, it’s time to handle things wisely. Emotional reactions will only make the situation worse. Follow these three steps one by one.
Step 1: First, Calm the Parent’s Mind
If a parent shouts when their child shouts, it’s like pouring oil on a fire. The first thing to do is for the parent to regain composure. Take a deep breath or count silently to yourself. Remind yourself, ‘This is a natural part of my child’s development,’ ‘My parenting isn’t wrong.’ Parents need to be calm for the child to find stability.
Step 2: Acknowledge the Child’s Emotions
First, recognize why your child is upset and what they want. The key here is not to judge or teach but to acknowledge the child’s emotions as they are. Say things like, “You really wanted that toy, and you’re upset you couldn’t get it, right?”, “You were playing with your friend, and it upset you when I said we need to leave.” Putting the child’s feelings into words shows you understand them, which can gradually ease their intense emotions.
Step 3: Firmly but Kindly Set Limits
After showing empathy for their emotions, you must clearly set limits on unacceptable behavior. This is the core of discipline. Use a firm but calm tone to say things like, “But hitting others is something you must never do,” “We agreed to have just one snack a day, remember?” Maintain a consistent attitude without emotional involvement. Think of it not as scolding, but as teaching societal rules and norms.
What to Do When They Throw a Tantrum in Public?
When a child throws a tantrum in public, it can be even more overwhelming for parents. The urgency to quickly resolve the situation can lead to giving in to the child’s demands or, conversely, scolding them more harshly.
“I often find myself too embarrassed by others’ watchful eyes to handle the situation calmly. I end up giving in to my child only to regret it later.”
In such cases, it’s best to move away from the spot. Carry the child to a quiet area away from people. Changing the location helps divert the child’s attention and calm them down. It also frees the parents from the pressure of others’ eyes, allowing them to handle the child more calmly. In a quiet place, apply the 3-step response method explained above. Adhering to consistent principles is much more crucial than worrying about others’ opinions.
Emotion Education You Can Do at Home
While handling each tantrum is important, it is essential to develop a child’s ability to regulate emotions in the long term for a fundamental solution. This lays the foundation for healthy discipline.
Sharing Emotion Vocabulary
Often, children can’t express their feelings because they don’t know what they are. Teach them various emotion words like ‘happy,’ ‘sad,’ ‘angry,’ ‘scared,’ ‘excited’ in daily life. While reading storybooks together, name the emotions by looking at the characters’ expressions: “The rabbit looks really sad,” “The lion seems very angry.” Once children can express their emotions through words, tantrums expressed through actions naturally decrease.
The Importance of Positive Discipline
Ultimately, the best way to reduce tantrum-prone behavior is through a stable attachment relationship with parents. Children accept parents’ teachings more readily when they feel loved and respected. Always listen attentively to your child’s stories and generously praise them for positive behavior. When predictable rules and warm trust are built, children can develop the ability to regulate their emotions and solve problems independently. A child’s tantrum is a stage of growth. Within the warmth of a parent’s understanding and consistent guidance, the child will grow a little more with each stage.
Remember that when facing a tantrum-prone child, we are growing together. What children need while learning to express emotions, an unfamiliar language, is a parent’s peace and warm empathy. Small daily experiences build the foundation for healthy discipline. For more parenting tips, deeply understand your child’s heart with MOM-i and request a consultation.