Positive Discipline Methods to Open Your Child’s Heart
“Why is my child acting like this?” As parents, we often face moments when things don’t go as planned. Although we don’t want to lose our temper, we find ourselves yelling and then quickly regretting it. Many parents share these concerns. Perhaps we focus too much on the child’s ‘behavior’ and overlook the ‘feelings’ behind those actions.
Every parent desires to guide their child correctly. However, the method doesn’t need to be scary or strict. Positive discipline, which respects the child’s feelings and fosters healthy growth, brings peace to both parents and children. Today, we’ll share parenting tips based on warm understanding and solid trust, rather than punishment or control.
‘Learning’ Not ‘Punishment’ is Needed
Often, when a child misbehaves, we consider ‘punishment’ as a way to stop it. However, punishment only instills fear or defiance in a child and does not help them realize why the behavior is wrong. The true goal of discipline is to give children an opportunity to reflect on their actions and make better choices.
“I feel guilty for always yelling. But I really don’t know what to do.”
Feeling this way is completely natural. No one is a perfect parent from the start. What’s important is to remember that positive discipline begins with the effort to understand the child’s world, instead of trying to control them. Recognize that children are not passive beings that follow parents’ instructions, but active beings who think, learn, and grow independently.
Start Positive Discipline Like This
So, how can this be practiced concretely? Even small changes in your daily routine are enough. Here are some ways to open your child’s heart and build a healthy relationship.
First, Decode Your Child’s Emotions
When a child has a tantrum or exhibits problem behavior, focus on the underlying emotion rather than the behavior itself. By saying things like, “You were upset because you wanted the toy,” or “You got angry because you don’t like your sibling,” you help verbalize their emotions. When a child feels understood by their parents, they’re more likely to calm down and engage in further discussions. Empathy is the starting point of all communication.
Second, Establish Clear and Consistent Rules Together
Rules are not tools for imposing control, but boundaries that create a safe and predictable environment. The key is not for the parent to establish these rules unilaterally but to involve the child in the process. By asking, “Shall we agree to put the toys back after we’re done playing?” and involving the child in decisions, they will accept the rules as their own responsibility. It’s important to consistently enforce these rules in any situation.
Third, Empower Children to Resolve Problems
When a child makes a mistake, instead of providing the answer, ask them, “How do you think we should solve this problem?” Through this process of pondering their own solutions, the child’s problem-solving skills and autonomy greatly improve. While it may be awkward at first, with patience, children often come up with surprisingly wonderful answers. This has a positive impact on fostering healthy attachment.
The Foundation of Everything: Strong Attachment
The most important foundation of all discipline is the strong bond or attachment between parent and child. When a child believes, “My mom and dad will love me and be there for me no matter the circumstances,” they trust and accept their parents’ guidance more deeply.
Even in a busy schedule, take some time to make eye contact with your child, hug them, and kindly ask about their day. Reading a book together or playing a board game is also great. These moments of bonding gradually build the child’s emotional stability and become the most powerful force in making parental discipline effective. A child with strong attachment won’t easily get discouraged, even in difficult situations, and will willingly follow their parents’ warm advice.
How to Apply in Real Situations?
What do you do when your child lies down and has a tantrum in the store, demanding a toy? Let’s explore this from a positive discipline perspective.
- Emotion Identification (Empathy): First, lower your body to the child’s level and say, “You really want this robot. It makes you upset because it’s so cool.”
- Rule Reminder (Firmness): After fully empathizing with the child’s feelings, gently but firmly remind them of the rule, “But we agreed earlier that today isn’t a day to buy toys, didn’t we? Promises must be kept.”
- Alternative Suggestion (Problem Solving): Instead of saying “no” outright, suggest alternatives the child can accept, “Instead, how about we go home and draw something fun together? Or how about getting this robot as a gift on your next birthday?”
Throughout this process, the most important thing is for the parent to remain calm and not get emotionally overwhelmed. Children learn to control their intense emotions by observing their parent’s stable demeanor. Even if the child’s crying doesn’t stop right away, that’s okay. As these experiences repeat, the child naturally learns to express and manage their desires healthily.
Approaching a child’s emotions and helping them solve problems independently through positive discipline is challenging but undoubtedly a way to strongly support their growth. We hope today’s parenting tips provide some guidance for parents’ concerns. MOM-i is here to accompany parents on their journey to understand their child’s heart. If you need help planning for warmer and more consistent discipline, feel free to request a consultation at any time.